Month: November 2016

It was November 2016. I would be turning 56, and I had never lived alone. I had roommates when I left at 15 years of age. I had my daughter after the first divorce, and therefore I had never gone solo. It was really surprising to me, at one point, I had such trepidation over the idea of joining this pack of single women. I remembered my younger self and thought, “You divorced once before and had the care of another human being entrusted to you. She depended on you and at times was a handful. You had a mortgage and an art career.” I look back on that younger me and think that she was the brave one. I remember all those years ago I went to a counselor and asked her, “How will I ever do this.” And her reply was, “You just will.” That sounds so simple, and some might find such an answer to be trite, but she was right. I just did.

One voice that was in my head the entire time that I was preparing for this new stage in life and the end of this marriage was, “What happens if there is a disaster? What happens if there is a hurricane or something else and you are left alone trying to figure it out? What will you do?” The thought at that time paralyzed me, but wholeness, and days filled with happiness and not grief, or the feeling or marital worthlessness, was worth the jump. I just told myself, I’d get by. No, I would do more than “get by,” I WOULD THRIVE! I had my daughter and friends. I would be fine. I start this blog a year and a half after the divorce was final. I am going back to the beginning. As you read on you will see what I have come through has been more than I could have feared. My children’s home burned down, and they lost everything in the spring of 2017. I’m writing from Houston, and I rode out Hurricane Harvey alone in the fall of 2017. A vendor went under in the middle of the largest project of my life and caused me huge financial hardships, and you will soon read about the health issues that ensued.

All of that, it was like the heavens said, “Let’s see how strong you are?” I did it. I did it by surrounding myself with powerful women to counsel me and build me up. I did it with prayer and putting one foot in front of the other. I did it and though some of it was gut-wrenchingly hard. I grew in more ways than I could have imagined. I’m a stronger and better person because of what I went through.

I also am happy to say. I love living alone. My life, my decorating, everything is mine. As a woman who has been wife and mother for a very long time, I am delighted with this part of being single.

Single and loving it,
Pusche

I awake the last day at Lake Brownwood, take down the curtains to observe. The purple, pink hazy sky seems to be sad to see me go. I have juggled with the weather app on my iPhone for days, not sure if I would wake up to torrential rain as once predicted and decided to leave the bike and camping chair outside the door instead of the van, to give me a bit more room to pee. I realize that the haze is not because it is going to rain, but that the sun has not risen. It peeks between a streak of clouds over the horizon, over the rippling lake and shines through my side window. Rays peek through the clouds as its lifts its head and illuminates the once dark space around me. It seems to be saying, ” Go, my friend, come rain or shine I will always rise as will you. We will greet each adventure together, though you are traveling alone you will never be lonely, I, and the many that God has set along your way will see to it.” It soon disappears above the anticipated ceiling of clouds as I put down my writing and pack those last few things. It arrives again, more forceful so that I have to get my sunglasses and hat. But I hear it say “ Your adventure has just begun.”

Pusche