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“Look at me, Look at me.” She lovingly insists.

“Breath, breath. In and out.” Her breath encourages his own.

He looks up, away up away, toes flick fingers twitch, I watch him as the memories, the horror, and the insecurities tug on his soul, pull him away.

She is patient, but where is her pain? How does this not make her feel worse, sink into her own vortex? I watch love and strength in action.

The next night she walks in with a twisted ankle. The pain is excruciating.

She sobs, it is just too much. She had just replaced her running shoes that were lost in the fire. She was going to take control of her life with running and then there was this.

“Look at me.” He insists kneeling before her face in a similar position as she was in front of him just the night before. “ The pain is exacerbated by the trauma. I got you; you got this. You are strong.” This time I’m in their bed scratching my daughter’s back, stroking her hair as I did when she was little. He in front of her, me behind her we have her cradled in love.

We are growing stronger than fire every day.

I’m so glad they are here in my home where I can help.

Breathing in and breathing out
Pusche

The kids have found a rent house with a pool. It is right around the corner from their house.  The insurance company pays for them to be there, furnishes the entire home right down to the sheets and gets them in there.  They have signed an application, and the home becomes available after the third of March. I don’t want them to go. They have been living with me since the fire.  I know they may need to go or feel ready to go, but I feel we are all just so fragile, even myself. Last night I held my daughter as she cried. “I don’t want to list everything in my life, everything I worked so hard for. It is hard to list it and hard to be reminded that it is gone. I want this over. I don’t want to finish this because then they will bulldoze my house.” I held her on the couch, stroked her hair while she cried, and answered a text from her husband who was alone in the room next door to the living room. He was having a hard time being alone for a few minutes because of his trauma.

How do I help her? I have made her comfortable. I wish I could go through the list for her. What could I add to a target wish list? She asked. “I think of my food processor, and I don’t know what size or capacity it was. I just know it was a perfect size and when I think of it, I see the image of it burned up and sitting on my counter. ”

My heart breaks for the darkness that tries to seep into the lives of two loving hearts through a disaster. If they were children, I could rock them and hold them tight and say I’m here everything will be o.k. What do I do with grown-ups? I can’t take the pain away, I have to stand back and watch them go through it, I watch it try to sneak up as it nibbles away at their normal, their sanity, and I pray and remind them to look at all the good that is happening around them. There are miracles everywhere. They can’t see them through the haze.

I make a thanking God for, poster and put it on my fridge. I tell the kids and ask them to add to it. Instead, later they request poster board and sit together finding their blessings. You have to hold on to those as the devastation can steal everything, if you allow it.

Sometimes you breath for others when they cannot.
Pusche

My kids settled into the new master suite that I had complete. Oh, Thank you, God. I said in my private time. That is why I could not find a renter. I needed to have this free for my kids.  My granddaughter settled into her room on the other side of the house. It was familiar to her. She has come to this house all her three years.  It was familiar to my daughter she was brought home to this house. My home became their sanctuary.

The room was empty, and the kids spent their first night in a hotel.  I’m not sure why, but they needed that.  While we were there, I asked her dad about where I could get a bed quickly. I never expected he would offer his from his spare room. Together the two of us worked to shove a dress, bedframe, mattresses, and headboard into my van and move it in the room. By the next day, we had the room all set up for their arrival.

What else could I do to make them comfortable? A quick trip to Ross offered to end tables, and then I went to purchase a deep freeze. My fridge and freezer are too small for food for four people.  When I saw a need, I filled it, as did the many other people. The kids made a list of what their needs were to replace things. It was a delight to come home and see packages. My granddaughter loved it.

Of course, I could not do everything to make everyone o.k. We each had our moments, and none of us wanted to be very far from each other. There was intense separation anxiety. Still, I’m blessed that I have this home and the means to help them through what they are going through and give them a bit of normalcy in this nightmare.
Blessed
Pusche