Category: Uncategorized

I made it through the holidays alone. Well, I wasn’t alone as I spend my time and have my traditions with my daughter and her family. Not being married for the holidays was not very hard to do. Frankly, I have been doing holidays by myself for a while. It was a pleasure not to have to concern myself with another person who struggled and felt holidays and family were an inconvenience. It is one more thing that I can enjoy without worry. A weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I enter the new year with renewal and hope and excitement for what my new life will bring.

I’m also enjoying having my massage therapist come to my home on Friday’s and set up in the front room next to the Christmas tree.  I do this for myself, for my health and to keep me working.

Happy New Year,
Pusche

You may remember in the midst of all that happened with my divorce there was a very precious paid intern that I thought of as a daughter who walked out. She was angry, and I know she had to make herself mad to be able to leave. It still really tore me up.  But the energy changed in the studio, and I realized that she had been so negative for a while. Then I was desperate to find help for a regular party that we throw every year in the studio. And into my life walked an amazing woman. She is an incredible worker, she is fast, and she and I have so much in common. Thank you, God for providing after the loss. Bless my “daughter” that left. May she be happy and loved.

Thanks for thinking of me God,
Pusche

When I would talk to my three-year-old granddaughter about her grandpa, she didn’t believe he lived here. She thought he lived at school. Ah, ‘out of the mouth of babes.’  Though we divorced he lived here for a while. Now, he is moved out; his office upstairs is mostly empty. The rug has imprints of a previous time, time staining the tracks of our life that came before this moment.  I extoll the incredible insights in a book called Couple Skills and given it away to many couples. It is tossed on the floor and tries to hide under a piece of paper.

Sometimes I miss his presence. To know there is another person on the property. There is security in that. In olden times he used to come down to the studio to say hi. That is long gone.  I don’t miss him talking through and around his desk, his area, his corner and the space giving him a shield. For years I wish we could have spoken closer to each other, maybe even touched, it was what I needed. He needed more space 10-15 feet was preferable. He would often talk to me from across the room.
I hated coming up here and intruding on his space to get to my area, my office.

I have walked through this room numerous times to get to my office.  I love my office with the padded window seat in the dormer. If I find the time to rest on it, I can look down upon the stream in the yard.  A stream I built as an oasis in the middle of this big city.  One of the things I find I can do now is to love my home again. I have always loved it, but over the years I held that love inside.  I would be elated about the simplest things, and when people came to our home and said how special the yard was, I would hope my husband would hear it and suddenly have a grand revelation. It was my opinion that my former husband never really had peace inside, and therefore could not find peace outside himself.  I had become accustomed to holding in my exuberance as it felt like my happiness emphasized his pain and frustration.  I did so out of love, and protection, so that I would not have to defend those things I loved. I did not want to defend them. I just wanted to bask in their presence.   Now, I permit myself to love, to appreciate, and merely gush over everyday things. That is the true me. Welcome home.

Pusche