Meanwhile.
My daughter who had lost everything in a fire in February was extremely compassionate. “Mom, I can’t let this go. I have to help other people. I know how this feels.” My entire family knew loss, we all knew how loss felt. From my kids to myself to my now four-year-old granddaughter. This “knowing” was used in many ways. This “knowing” was not known until we all went through the dark period of the fire and losing everything. This knowledge came from the hours of flashbacks and tears and holding each other and the process of healing. It came from trying to rebuild their lives for the last eight months. My daughter and son- in law took action. She and her husband drove to mosques, churches and community centers in her area and volunteered. They collected information from everywhere. They then tried to “connect” people and systems. Everyone was just making it up as they went along. In this process I watched something miraculous happen. I was beginning to see a pattern happen over and over again. Someone on social media or in person would express a need, and then very soon, sometimes within moments, an answer would come to meet that need. Often these were unrelated things that were matched by a willing heart and fit perfectly.
Willing hearts made connections. All of this has to do with the principles that I mentioned in this book. Individuals stepped out in faith with a willing heart and the desire to do. I call it God, some say the universe would bring those things together. I know that the electronic age has a lot to do with these connections, but more importantly, it was people who were willing to do things to help other people.
In a heated time of politics, it did not matter your faith, skin color, or political party. As one man from the mosque stated that when he was out on his boat, not one person that he rescued said they would rather wait for another boat with someone from another faith.
In my own little experiences, A childhood friend from my hometown in New York contacted me on my landline, something that never rings. She said she was listening to things on her radio station about the storm. After our conversation, I called the radio station and thanked them for their report. They put me on the air to talk about the storm. When I posted this on Facebook, a friend in Isreal said they were looking for someone to comment on an online show. They asked if I had electricity and would I be willing. I was. We did the segment, and I forgot about it. Later I found out there was an Israeli family who was also going to be on the show. They were living in Houston but bugged out, and a boat came to rescue them. I was able to find them on Facebook, I offered my two bedrooms, but they had found an apartment. And because of what I went through with my daughter’s fire I suggested she go on to Amazon and make a wish list of things her family of five needed and wanted. Israelis met these needs from the other side of the world. Then this new friend posted she needed a couch. I assume there was no furniture in this apartment as I saw a video of them leaving their home, they lost everything. She said she had money and wanted to buy a new couch. Knowing it was labor day I was certain there were a lot of sales, but while posting these sales, I found that a major furniture company donated their overflow items to the Houston furniture bank. I contacted her immediately. She got a brand new sleeper sofa at a great price.
When I saw bags of clothes coming into shelters, the picture of it threw me back to the trauma of helping my kids during their fire. Just after their fire as we donned respirators and boots and went into the very toxic and dangerous house to comb through ash and find what things we could, well-meaning neighbors brought bags of clothes. They knew the sizes of the family as I asked my daughter and passed it on to a friend who passed it on to social media. Some well-meaning people tossed these bags into my van. I appreciated it all, but for me it was overwhelming. There was so much to take care of, and the emotional health of my children was first. Still, my son-in-law jumped out the window in his underwear. He had no clothes. My daughter and granddaughter had only the clothes on their backs. I remember a great family friend said he had many bags of clothes as well. Again, the many blessings found through the fire tragedy back then were continuous. You just had to open your eyes to them. I’m not sure my kids could see them all as clearly as they were in shock and just putting one foot in front of the other. But they did later. This small organizational technique of sorting clothes sat with my daughter and followed her into the destruction by Harvey. Many people in many facilities sat as overwhelmed as I was but on a larger scale with piles of donations. My daughter went to work organizing everything. Posting papers on walls with sizes and putting volunteers to work sorting. She acted on what she knew to do and then before you knew it, more was set up for her to do and people were being sent to her to help. Her organizational skills and her willingness to work caused her make connections that she would not otherwise have. As she proceeded to find a collection area for more than just clothes, but also food, water, first aid, cleaning equipment and necessities. She reported to me that within days she had helicopters, planes and semi trucks along with army trucks waiting to take supplies to hard-hit areas that were cut off. When she had no supplies, soon people were calling her and had things that were coming. They were coming in large box trucks, school buses and Rv’s. It was a miraculous thing to see. And I know this helping helped heal her from her trauma. I would listen how she would talk to others. They would come in and say some people were more deserving than they. She would say she knew about such loss and such feelings and persuaded them to take more than what they would normally. She knew their hearts; she knew their fears, she knew the fog because she lived it.
Grief for your circumstance is a heavy thing to carry. The connection to grief, once on the other side, is wisdom and compassion. Wisdom and compassion are two very powerful things. I have watched as my daughter has worked through her grief and even her guilt. Unlike Hurricane Harvey which no one had control over and that came and destroyed without cause by a person, my daughter lit a candle that burned her house down. That fire almost took the life of her husband and did take the life of her family pet. The grief and guilt she had to work through were tremendous. Just after the fire, a stranger posted to her that she had gone through the same thing with her family. Their home had also burned down. She gave her some suggestions, told her what to expect next, and confirmed some of the feelings that my daughter was having. She then said, “Remember you are stronger than fire, you will get through this.” The sentence resonated with both of us. It brought me to tears. It was written on my daughter’s shirt when she jogged in her first 5k not long after the fire. She intended to do with her now deceased dog. A friend ran with her for support. It was her first run ever. After Harvey, we added We Are Stronger than Fire and Water.
Grief, though it feels very lonely when you are in it, is universal. Finding someone who can listen to your experience, who understands and has experienced some of the things you have experienced will help you walk the path of grief. When possible, combine grief with gratitude. Think of all the things you are thankful for as it is coupled with this grief. Is it the loss of the loved one? Then think of all that you shared and gained. Is it the loss of business? Think of all that you have gained and learned. Is it the loss of your home? Be thankful for the memories shared in the home, be thankful you had a place to lay your head, and be thankful for those who are helping you rebuild your life. If you can walk along, with and through grief, it brings the gifts of hope, wisdom, and compassion.
I marvel at my daughter. She took her tears, her anger, her fears, her thoughts and put them down into words. The blog became a cathartic place, and she hoped that someone else would read it and feel hope. Many read it and cry. One hiking buddy said she wanted to share it with her friend because her friend was describing some of the same feelings. I asked, “did their home burn down?” “No,” she replied. Her husband committed suicide and left her alone with two children. My heart skipped a beat. Your willingness to walk through your pain and get to the other side using mindfulness and healing and acceptance of yourself can make a huge difference in yourself and the world. Walking through grief can be difficult. Working through any devastation can feel impossible. But time and time again I have seen it turned into healing for so many more than just the person suffering. I have heard it said by many, “It was a difficult way to go, but I would not trade it. It has taught me so much and made me into the person I am today.” I have said it of myself. I came from a childhood with a family filled with addiction. The healing and transformation of those involved in my past is an entire story in itself. That time in my life was hard, but it made me who I am today.
During a dinner in the midst of the relief efforts, my daughter reported the miraculous things that had been happening to her. She had wanted to write a book about her experience with the fire. I looked at her at dinner and was amazed and excited at her stories. I said, this, this is the book. Not just that you went through something so horrific and how you pulled yourself out, but how that prepared you to help others as you would never have before. She told the dining audience about how she would feel the need for a place, it would be in her heart and she would stop and think about it. People even commented about how “Your daughter was doing that thing.” Then, the connections came to her and action took place. Things would begin to come together to help that area, and it all started with a thought toward something. It was a willing heart followed by action. I told her, “When you write this you must tell people that what happened to you, though it feels miraculous, is not new. Anyone can obtain it. The principle of this experience is simple. It is stating a need and desire, being quiet and sensitive to those things around you, going after it with a clear heart and purpose, then those things that you need, come to you. It is a principle that anyone can use. If you add compassion to this mix-make it something you are doing for someone else, it is all the more stronger. Look at the miracles done by Jesus in the bible. Most were sparked by compassion. I have no doubt we will see her book, Stronger Than Fire and Water published, maybe even before this one.
Marveling at human compassion
Pusche