Breathing In Life

Notes from my book:

I did entertain getting a “bug out” bag ready and perhaps protecting a few things in the house. The night of the heavy rains I put my computer on my end table, instead of against the vulnerable floorboards. I was exhausted, and at one point during waking, I slipped my foot out of my bed and placed it on the floor to see if it was wet. When it felt nothing but the shaggy rug, I stuck it back under the sheets. I would check out the rest of the house in the morning. I was lucky, in many homes water rose fast. People who did what I have done in storms have lost their lives. I had forgotten until a neighbor down the street told me that she thought she did not get any water, but upon further investigation, she realized that the builder of our neighborhood “floated” the floors on 2 x 4 ’s over the concrete slab. Therefore water could come in, and you would not know. I did not flood, the water came 1/2 way up into my yard, and those on lower ground at the end of the street did flood, but in my immediate vicinity it dissipated before it got to my house.

My studio suffered some damage in the storage area. I climbed up for the further investigation of my studio roof after discovering some huge indoor puddles. In doing so, I created a beautiful ‘butt’ size skylight, from my shocking discovery of a soft spot. It was that moment, I realized, I needed a new roof. But, compared to the rest of Houston, my damage was minor. I did what others were doing in every neighborhood for many miles. I went through all my belongings. I was a lucky one, without having 4 -6 or 12 feet of water and just puddles I could sort through belongings. Other neighbors were taking their entire life and memories and putting them to the curb. Piles of trash were so high that a group trying to make light and have fun with the tragedy created a video performing ‘One Day More’ from Le Mis. Complete with climbing the trash heap and waving the Texas flag. The rest of Houston, it is a vast city, one of the fourth largest, continued to suffer long after the storm passed. I have neighbors on my street who have taken out their floors and drywall. Harvey destroyed many, many homes. Add to this, that molds proliferate in our climate and the unhealthy conditions grow with it.

I remember Linder talking about having to let water out of the reservoirs. For those that don’t know, these reservoirs are a large bowl like areas filled with grass. They are typically dry and used as parks. But because of Harvey, they were full of rain. Holding water is what they are meant to do. But there was so much water they were overflowing. It probably didn’t help things, in my opinion, that for Houston to grow as much as it did, it paved paradise and put up houses and condos. Wetlands, meant to hold water, now hold homes. “Homes must be sacrificed downstream,” Linder reported. My home is a bit north of downstream and during the storm I posted on Facebook that I was concerned. “Why?” A friend on Facebook asked. You have never flooded before, and you are much further north than I. I said, “Harvey has stalled in the Gulf of Mexico, three things could happen, storm surge, reservoir release, and more rain, and if these occur in conjunction, we must be ready.” I must also note that these reservoirs are not the only way for water to get to the bay. All around Houston there are streams, rivers, lakes, and bayous that bring water to the gulf. Some things flood on a regular basis. The closest bayou to my home was three miles away. It was well out of its banks, and every street flooded in between. It is all about water flow. If other water is moving to the bay, then water from our Bayou can’t get out. Storm surge—Harvey could push water up the bay, as hurricanes often do. It is called storm surge. Storm surge kills many people during a storm, sometimes more than the actual hurricane. There is a very eerie picture of the Bolivar Peninsula after Hurrican Ike in 2008. Every house is gone but one. When you see it, you are bound to think this is a retouched photograph. I did. The owner rebuilt his home after Hurricane Rita in 2005. The house was rebuilt to sit 14 feet above the ground and 22 feet above sea level. ( According to an online app, my Houston home approximately 78 miles north of Bolivar, 60 miles from Galveston and just 33 miles from the bay. It is just 72.5 feet above sea level. These numbers let you know how flat Houston is. ) Storm surge can come fast and catch many people unprepared. And besides water, it brings debris, alligators, snakes, fire ants, dead animals and dead people. Also, remember storm surge water can move fast. It is nothing to take lightly.

The second thing to take into consideration was the reservoirs. As I talked to my friend, I was determining if I would flood in a home that I have lived in for 35 years and has never flooded. To the northwest of the bay, Houston officials were determining that two reservoirs must have water released. The water must get to the bay anyway it can. Sometimes this “emptying or release of water” meant streets were used as conduits when bayous were full. The other great concern was it was still raining. The city of Houston is in-between these two critical junctions between the reservoirs and the bay. Officials were already reporting that if they did not do a “controlled release” out of the reservoirs and somehow there is a breach, it would be catastrophic for all involved. It was hard to understand how the event could be any more catastrophic than it already had become. The reservoirs were opened and released 10,000 cubic feet of water onto our streets. We waited, and I thanked God that Harvey did not push water up the bay, and thanked God again that the rain lessened.

Harvey passed, the sun came out, and many residents felt relief, but still many homes were flooded long after Harvey was gone. Flooding was because of this release, rising waters and creeks from the north and all of it wanting to get past Houston and to the bay. In many cases, these were homes that have never flooded before.

HBO’s “The Houston Homes Sacrificed after Harvey” features Dan Cho. He lived in his home for 40 years and built it. It never flooded. I listened to the interview about how his home was sacrificed maybe for the safety of others. The man, as he is interviewed in waders with water up to his hips in his front yard and yet he says, if this perhaps saved others, then maybe it was worth it.” I’m in awe of this man. “ After all god loaned it to me while I’m here.” Sept 7, 2017. How many others would break down with despair at all that they lost that was theirs. Officials declared that water in these homes might sit for weeks, as of this writing some home have water in them for 13 days. They warned that standing water in a home for extended periods of time could compromise the structural integrity of the home

Harvey- 1
Excerpt from the new book-

You will see in previous chapters I have written about the Zen of business and carving a creative life. I have experienced the Zen and the incredible aspects about the subconscious and the tools of which I have written. I know the blessings of the universe as some would call it, though in my personal life’s journey I refer to it as God. I know that the principles in this book work. I have seen people have success by using these tools. It has happened time and time again, but today my heart is heavy. I can’t think of business. My acknowledgments and affirmations feel like long ago whisper instead of firm resolve. My meditation is not a planned event like it usually is, but instead, because I know how much meditation helps and breathing helps, I simply take a moment when I feel the stress or frustration and say, “This is a good time to take three deep breaths.”

Sometimes you find you are in the midst of something so much bigger than yourself that just putting one foot in front of the other is all you can do. I know there will be times, in the lives of the readers of this book, that they will suffer devastation in one shape or another. It may be a business loss; it may be the death of a loved one, it may be a traumatic world event or an individual assault. It may be a natural disaster, or it may be something that you are responsible for, and you find yourself stuck in a mode of unforgiveness.

“There is a saying in Tibetan, ‘Tragedy should be utilized as a source of strength.”

 No matter what sort of difficulties, how painful experience is, if we lose our hope, that’s our real disaster.” Dali llama

When you are in the midst of tragedy you often feel anything but strong. I don’t feel this tragedy alone. 13 million people who try to recover from the devastation of a tropical storm Harvey that the news describes as the “Biggest rainstorm in the continental United States also feel it. “ Meteorologist Jeff Lindner with the Harris County Flood control district. On August, 29th tweeted “one trillion gallons of rainfall has fallen in Harris County over four days which would run Niagara Falls for 15 days. “Houston’s average rainfall is 49.7 inches of rain a year. Harvey brought 51.8 inches in a few days. The news reports that the measurement of rain was over 4 feet, in gauges around the city. I write from the center of Houston. I’d like to tell you how many days it is after the storm but as a meme on Facebook states “People in Houston don’t know what day it is.” This meme is right. I don’t know what day it is.

The frantic prep of a hurricane is enough to set one on edge. Knowing we would not get the winds since Hurricane Harvey was coming in the southwest of Houston I did not need to do the tedious and exhausting task of boarding up windows. I did prep by securing clean water, getting a generator out and working, and buckled down to what I thought would be a productive writing stint. Wrong.

For those who don’t know about hurricanes let me enlighten you. Each hurricane has what meteorologists refer to as a “dirty side.” The dirty side is usually the right side. What happened to Houston during Harvey is that there was high pressure from the north and high pressure from the west that acted like two big hands holding it in place. Though Harvey came into Houston’s left, we sat on the dirty side for a very long time before Harvey then went back out into the Gulf of Mexico and came back in again closer to Houston.

It was an anxious anticipation of what might happen. Having a hot spot on my phone, thank you AT&T, and an HD antenna in my attic, combined with electricity and a prepped generator kept me connected. Instead of working on this book I spent my writing time posting on my Facebook page about the news I was watching, the evacuation notices, and tornado warnings. I posted about the rising waters, and my feed turned from pictures of my art and writing to a feed of information that people told me was especially helpful. Many people had no television or electricity and only their phones. I kept in touch with friends who were on their roofs waiting for evacuation. I posted websites where people could list their evacuation need and where others who had boats could assist. My job turned into sitting in a chair and “sharing, ” and I had no idea how important that simple task in social media was, until this disaster. If you are in a disaster or know someone who is, simply hitting the button titled “share” and sharing the posts of needs on your feed, and making them public is a great way to spread the word and help others. There is great power in this resource.

Meanwhile, I watched the water rise in my yard, thankful for a two story studio and that my x husband asked me to store his canoe. I thought about purchasing a dry bag, a type of bag that you take canoeing or kayaking. I would save copies of all my important documents and then take it, should I need to bug out. I, as writers do, thought about the many books I had in the process. Where they all backed up? Was this book that I nearly finished backed up, and would that back up be safe in flood should I have to bug out? For an author, their books are their babies.

To be continued
Breathing between raindrops and sorrow
Pusche

Sometimes the work of changing our thinking is challenging. At one point I was having a tough time with a group of people in businesses. I could not believe how they were treating me, and what was transpiring. I wanted to call each person, and scream that this was not fair, they were asses, and needed to come to my way of thinking, but I legally could not, and that is probably a good thing.

It was a vortex, or stagnation, either way. I felt stuck taking time with the voices and feeling is always best. It helps to respond and not react. I and all of those who were on my support team were beside ourselves in how to break down the walls that were put up. It was really strange how our words were being misinterpreted, and I felt hopeless and frustrated. So, I examined those feelings, and the feelings I had for everyone. You know they were so intense, I’m not sure I could not have gotten out of that bad space on my own. I felt like there were these huge walls that were put up and there was no way around them. But, remember, I do have a faith, and I do believe that I have what it takes to change the perception of the problem.

If I held on to what I was thinking and feeling it would have done me in. So, I began positive affirmations and acknowledgments about the entire situation and repeated it to myself daily. Any time, anything came up in my mind that was negative I would ward it off with positive thoughts. That should have worked alone, but I struggled. So, I thought, if the walls  of Jericho could come down by walking around that city seven times, then I could get these walls to come down by committing to pray for seven days. I decided to make it symbolic by praying in an area that was a representation of the change I wanted. I know I didn’t have to go to this place, but for me it was symbolic, it held emotion and was a commitment, and I have found that tricking the subconscious often has a lot to do with emotions. You must visualize your outcome in all of your senses and get emotional about it. I walked around this area seven times and prayed and thought positive affirmations and acknowledgments. I did not pray curses upon them; I did the opposite. I took every person from this opposition and prayed for them individually. At one point I knew that one man’s wife had cancer and his entire family was laid heavy on my heart. I prayed diligently for him, his wife, and his kids. I prayed for truth. I visualized the outcome I desired. I prayed the walls would come down. When I felt weak, I prayed angels would walk with me. These were tall dudes, with swords and not something you wanted to mess with. I gave them the battle. I prayed my heart would be healed from this.

On day three of this seven days of prayer, it poured. I stopped and got a raincoat from the store and was prepared to walk and pray. Then as I drove up, my car broke down. I simply called triple AA walked in the rain as I waited and prayed. Then I realized that I could not make my commitment because of not having a car. I could have stopped there, but my commitment was more about convincing my subconscious and the universe for me it was a big spiritual thing. I found a friend who knew what I was trying to do and she was kind enough to drive me for the next couple of days while my car was in the shop.

A couple of things happened during this process. The first thing that happened took place before my car broke down. I was driving to a place before this designate prayer. I had decided to continue on with my endeavors to assist with the project in a positive manner that would support the oppositions outcome and that I felt comfortable doing because it supported my core values and beliefs and was something that was in line with my own goals. At one point one person from the opposition questioned it. And appeared angry over it, but I knew my heart and kept going. It was not hurting anyone; it was helping others. On the way that 3rd day I heard a voice in my head that said, “Good job, act like there are no walls.” I thought about that. If you think there are walls, you act in a certain way. On a football team, they have both offense and defense, the players and strategy changes depending on where they are in the game. If you are defense, then you act like defense. This began to make sense to me. I walked through my time of prayer with this new enlightenment.

After the seven days, there was a noticeable change. I would love to say that miracles happened and all was resolved. As I write this, I do believe that things did happen outside of me, and that the prayer and the positive affirmations did make a difference. I have to say I also got others to join me. I walked alone, but I developed my own team who were also praying and believing for positive outcomes. The noticeable change that happened took place inside of me. I had changed my heart toward these people. I felt better-80% better, and confident.

What walls can you pray over. God can work on the outcome and can heal your heart while doing so.

Marching and Praying,
Pusche