I feel like I’m in grade school and there is a gang that is trying to make my life impossible. They are talking about me and spreading rumors. I live with threats daily I have no idea why they are doing all of this when all I’m trying to do is live life, love and be creative. Yep, that is what it feels like.
Difficulty with clients, vendors going under, meetings with lawyers and waiting on lawyers, losing thousands of dollars of income- this is just not fun anymore. This is supposed to be art. I’m supposed to be making a living while living a dream. The more I achieve with my art, the more convoluted it becomes. When did this happen? I’m fighting battles on so many fronts. With all that is transpiring, I hate it. I am quickly losing my mojo. How can so many things be out of hand?
I hate when someone says. “I want to live with less drama.” I don’t like that because they are bringing focus to the drama and perpetuating it. But seriously, I don’t know what else to say. I want to live with less drama.
I have to focus differently. How can one strive for excellence or furthering their ability and have contentment where they are? Is this even possible? I will document my passionate search for this. Another book is in the making. I will figure this out. Peace and loving what I do is my goal.
I have done a few things to help me.
MEDITATION
I must begin meditating. Medication was a necessity because seriously everyone was pissing me off. My interns were getting on my nerves; vendors were making mistakes costing me money, clients are frustrated. The energy that is around me is negative, and I can’t seem to get rid of it.
My huge job that the vendor went bankrupt on is leaving my company with more than a trickle-down effect it is more like Niagra falls.
Meditate. I read the book 10% happier. I’m interested because the author is a high achieving reporter. He appears to be asking the same questions as I. Is it possible to live in the world, to strive and be at peace and content where you are. I am presently making the journey of discovery of my self a full-time deal. Even when I am sculpting, I’m listening to podcasts, videos et on meditation, the brain, consciousness. I will get through this.
AN NEW BOOK AND DOCUMENTATION
As I document this for a new book I once again do so with the ope that maybe one other person is in this same place and will get something out of this. Healing, hope.
SUPPORT GROUP
I have gathered strong women around me for counsel. It is a team. My support is incredible—from an excellent female lawyer who is compassionate and understands and appreciates how crapy male lawyers can be to female clients because she has experienced it herself. To friends who tell you, “if you are threatened then take those threats to the very end of their possibilities. Research exactly what they mean what can happen to them. ”
These were wise words because once I did this, though the threats were incredible —meaning my entire business, and possibly my home might be lost, once I did this, they no longer had power over me.
A PRAYER PARTNER
I’m a spiritual person so getting support in the spiritual realm is important to my success. I contacted the best friend of my mom. My mom passed away several years ag, but I love this woman, and somehow this connection makes me feel connected to my mom. We pray weekly for all that is happening.
MY SPIRITUAL WORK
I have to get past my anger. I’ll let you know how this goes.
Right now I feel overwhelmed and confused, but I’m digging my way out of it.
Pusche