People greet me and see how my body has changed because of my dedication to the workouts and the new lifestyle eating habits, and they compliment me saying I look good. You mean, I joke, accept for this tube in my nose.
Some moments in the day I feel I am getting better, and then I start coughing and can’t stop, and I think, will I cough to death right here. Will this be the moment I lose my life? It sounds dramatic, but I have thought these things on more than one occasion. If I had a pain in my side, say a reoccurring thing that I thought I might need to get checked out, then I would have time. But a cough or a ceasing of breath, well how long do you actually have? Do I have time to unlock the door and call an ambulance? Do I have time for the ambulance to get here? How long can I go without breath and come out on the other end without brain damage? These are the things I think. I have had two friends who have died alone in this way.
The second opinion pulmonologist at UT has taken away the term idiopathic from the diagnosis of Interstitial lung disease. This new diagnosis I assume takes my 3-5 years to live off of the table. That first diagnosis had thrown me for a loop. Today, when I heard the speech of Jack Bailey, I was so impressed, and I cried.It made me think of so much. I related to his diagnosis and want to live, but at the same time I thought he is only 18- I’m 57. If there are only a certain amount of years allocated, and I could give mine up to someone else, I’d give mine to him. Sure I have more I want to do, I want to be with my daughter and granddaughter, but I have lived a long life.
I have always said that I have done more because of those who have come before me. Thank you to all of those who lifted me up.
When I die, I hope people will remember me in ways that this young man talks about. Striving valiantly and having great devotion to strive to dare greatly!
Daring Greatly,
Pusche
Give me moral strength. Don’t let me give up, even if this upcoming journey will be difficult.
“Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.” Jim Rohn
Help me to be “Galant be great, be gracious, and be grateful for the opportunities that I have. ”
“Let’s be passionately dedicated to short-term goals. Forget about long-term dreams lets be passionately dedicated to short-term goals—micro ambitious. Work with passion and pride with what is in front of us. We don’t know where we might end up or when it might end up. ” Jake Bailey
Pusche